POINT A
Often times when I’ve been working with a partner for a while we’ll be focused on Point B, as in- Where are we headed (in the different categories of life) and why is it important we get there?
Generally speaking, establishing a big enough WHY is motivation enough to get the ball rolling and we can build momentum easily
This is the standard forward thinking style coaching that can lead to some excellent progress in the direction of Point B.
However, before we can think about heading towards that Point B- we must first establish our Point A.
Figuring out who you are, learning about you, asking yourself questions- What are your habits and behaviors, what are your beliefs. Why do you have them?
This a difficult process alone but can be as simple as a conversation with a coach who is asking the right questions
The biggest myth in the world is “I just am the way I am” or “this is how I have always been”... have you ever said that or thought that?
Certainly there are exceptions, but these statements are largely lies that we are telling ourselves so we don’t have to face the truth— we are in control of a lot
There is a simple three step process happening:
1- We create beliefs based on our perception of our emotional experiences (95% of these by the time we are 18 years old!)
2- We create behaviors based on those beliefs
3- We practice those behaviors until we are really really good at them- then they’re called habits
Using this model it’s fairly easy to reverse engineer the habits in our lives to figure out where they came from-
Take the way we eat for example- type of food, speed, chewing, time of day, who we eat with, the way we feel when we eat- we can boil all of this into a couple of belief statements-
“Food is.....”
“My diet is....”
The process of questioning a belief begins with that simple declaration statement- this is a belief and this is Point A
Now we ask without judgement and purely out of curiosity:
“Is this belief an absolute truth?”
If yes- you’re most likely lying to yourself- Beliefs are generally subjective
If no-
“Does this belief serve me fully today?” **
If yes- Ok, next topic.
If no:
“Can I create a new belief that is more in alignment with the person I want to become?” (This answer is always yes ;))
What’s great about this process is that it isn’t dependent on will power-
Declaration, installation and practice of a new belief will echo out into new habits before you know it, and the bulk of the work will be done in your subconscious mind!
TP
PS— This is simple for a reason- Reexamination is an extremely difficult process involving deep introspective dives to potentially painful places- I recommend working with a professional... and not just because I am one ;)
**Note the important message behind this question- when we form beliefs and behaviors, it is ALWAYS with a positive intention- to avoid pain or gain pleasure. There is no reason to judge ourselves negatively based on any of our beliefs, only to be curious and learn- The answer must be honest for growth- if the question contains judgement, we will be tempted to lie to ourselves. If we do, this entire exercise will be futile